ACAPULCO RESTAURANT
Posted: May 23, 2011 | Author: DJ ABYSMAL SANDWICH | Filed under: DINERS, GREENPOINT, MEXICAN, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT | Tags: Mexican | Leave a comment »
I fucking HATE IT when you show up at some Mexican place and they throw a tiny-ass bowl of STALE, CRUMBLY tortilla chips in your face, just to be like “HEY SHITHEAD, get ready to be CRAPPED ON by some of the WORST FOOD YOU’VE EVER EATEN!!! And I’ll throw in a RAGING case of the HERSHEY SQUIRTS, gratis.”
THAT BULLSHIT WILL NOT STAND AT ACAPULCO. The chips hit the table straight out the fryer, hot as hell, lightly browned and made from ACTUAL FUCKING TORTILLAS (WELL FUCK ME TEN WAYS TO SUNDAY!!!). Ten seconds into your meal and your face is TORE UP with the goods, and they don’t mind STEAMROLLING YOUR ASS with a bowl of guac either.
Should I even bother telling you how HARD the burritos are going to FUCK YOU UP??? Fine: HARD AS ROCKS, MOTHERFUCKER. I just want to tilt my head back and wriggle that shit down my throat like SOME JACKED UP SWAN. If it’s breakfast time you can say fuck it and eat a burrito (or a sandwich if you’re some kind of asshole) or drizzle some syrup over a FAT STACK of CRUNCHY FRENCH TOAST – there’s cereal in the batter and it’s GOOD AS HELL WHUUUUUUUUUT????
Chips: MONSTER JAM
Guacamole: MONSTER JAM
Carne Asada Burrito: Jam
Crunchy French Toast: MONSTER JAM
Chorizo Burrito: MONSTER JAM
Rice and Beans: Jam
Jam to Crap Score: 10/12 83.33%
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
1116 Manhattan Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11222
(718) 349-8429
Review by: DJ ABYSMAL SANDWICH
MESA COYOACAN
Posted: May 10, 2011 | Author: DJ MONSTER JAM | Filed under: MEXICAN, THE MONSTER JAM REPORT, WILLIAMSBURG | Leave a comment »
DAMN YO! This place is THE FUCKIN SHIT! There is NARY a SHITTY thing on the entire menu. I’m not jerking you around! All the ingredients they use are MAD FRESH – no old CRAP here. I can usually get a good sense of a Mexican joint by the chips and salsa and this place came out of the gate KICKING ASS AND TAKIN NAMES! The salsa was a total FUCKIN MONSTER JAM and the guacamole came DAMN CLOSE to being a MOTHERFUCKER, but couldn’t quite go there, have to just go ahead and say it’s a MONSTER (don’t wanna get ahead of myself). I had the enchiladas with green sauce and it was RIPPIN AZZ RIPPIN AZZ!!
Chips & Salsa – MONSTER JAM
Guacamole – MONSTER JAM
Chicken Tacos – MONSTER JAM
Ceviche – MONSTER JAM
Enchiladas w/Green Sauce – MONSTER JAM
Enchiladas w/Mole Sauce – Jam
Jam To Crap Score: 11/12 – *91.7%*
*CERTIFIED CRAP FREE*
372 Graham Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 782-8171
